I'm going to jail i love you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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