..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I want a musical about memes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
