when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
