just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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