My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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