Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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