I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
