Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
