pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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