I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
