you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
