I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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