You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What drink are we having for lunch?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
