my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
