Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
