Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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