the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
