I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
