Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
