this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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