i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
