I love black thongs
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
