the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
