I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
