You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
