I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am one with the molecules
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
