you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
