And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
