his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
