The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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