just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
