My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
