we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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