They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
