We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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