As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
