I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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