Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
