I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
