Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
