I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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