DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
