shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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