You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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