Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
