how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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