We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
either way he was missing a nipple.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just want nice things and good sex
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
