If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
