yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
