I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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