that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
