just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
