u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
