Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
